That's really hurt...

        The worst type of crying is the silent one. The one when everyone is asleep. The one where you fell it in your throut and your eyes become blurry from the tears. The one where you just want to scream. The one where you have to hold your breath and grab your stomach to keep quiet. The one where you can't breath anymore. The one when you realize the person that meant the most to you is gone forever. 

        Sometimes you just have to smile, pretend everything is okay. Sometimes we need to forget some people from our past because of one simple reason... they just don't belong to our future any more. Sometimes we are only given a few minutes to be with the one we love and a thousand hours to spend thinking of them.

Mak,

        A thousand words could not bring you back. I know because I tried. A thousand tears could not bring you back. I know because I cried. I really miss you, mak. Although your soul is at rest and your body free from pain, if I had you back again...

        Memories with mak always with me. She's the whisper of the leaves as I walk down the street, she's the cool hand on my brow when I'm not feeling well, she's my breath in the air on a cold rainy's day. She is the sound of the rain that lulls me to sleep, the colour of a rainbow. Mak lives inside my laughter. She's the place I come from and she's the map I follow with every step I take. Nothing on earth can seperate me, not time, not space and not even death could seperate my memories with mak.

        I wake each morning to start a new day but the pain of loosing you never goes away. I go about the things I have to do and as the hours pass I think again of you. I want to call you and just hear your voice. Then I remember that I have no choice. For you are not there and now my heart cries. Just to see you again to tell you goodbye. To say... "Mak, I love you..."

        The day that you left, I just didn't know that you were going where I couldn't go. Now all my memories of you are so dear but gosh... How I miss you and wish you were here! Who now can here me when I need to cry? It's so hard to tell you... "Mak, goodbye!" Until then my memories of you I'll keep near and I'll pass them on to those who are dear. I miss you, mak!

Ya, Allah,

        If roses grow in Heaven, please pick a bunch for me and place them beside my mother. Tell her they are from me and tell her I love and miss her so much. When she turns to smile, place a kiss upon her cheek and hold her for awhile because remembering her is easy. I do it everyday but there's an ache within in my heart because I miss her more each day.

 

P/S :   It's only hurts when I start pretending it doesn't.

             I act like I don't care but deep inside it hurts.

             Mak... that's really, really, really hurts!